should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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