I just cut my nipple shaving
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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