my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
