I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
