I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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