Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
