My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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