Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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