Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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