She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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