What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
