So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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