we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I need moral support for this bender
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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