Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
