i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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