Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
