Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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