Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
