We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
