hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i drank out of a bidet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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