Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
