i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize