can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
