Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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