youre lurking in front of me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize