Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
