dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
