I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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