Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
