my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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