Screwed.edu
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
