I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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