I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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