There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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