i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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