Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
