hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
