Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
