I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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