youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
