Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
