I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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