I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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