I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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