My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
