I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
