brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize