I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
