Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
