We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
