Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
