things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
