Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
