we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
