Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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