Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
