the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
