When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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