I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
