I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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