I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
