the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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