Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
