cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
