if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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