Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
