True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
