I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
