Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
