why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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