At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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