I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
