Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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