Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
