And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
