Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
