what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
