i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
