And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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