meet me or not, i'm out of control
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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