Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
