your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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