Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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