i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
