Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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