When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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