it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize