then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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