LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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