You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
