I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
