this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
