I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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