Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
