If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
