so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize