im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i came on her dog
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
