The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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