Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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