She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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